seeing spark!

i guess i am starting to forget 静了。All my peace...why am i all getting upset again? very stupid leh, just hoping that i will soon forget all the unhappy stuff. lyke wad wang rui say i must be always happy. Life is already short enough, i should not add more pressure to it right?! 光是我现在最想放进我人生里的element. 加油！wishing myself to get all better again, be happy!

enjoying, 1st time facial!

WAhahahahahah....!!! Today go facial with my mummy leh...got the steam on my face and use white colour cream thing also. make until face very shiny sia, but i like my nose the best,hahah...so fun but also very cold got do a bit massage as well. All the wad hei tou, bai tou got out, but super pain! Plus all free! Wahahahahah!!! all my teeth wan laugh out liao sia. now super sleepy but still continuing with accounts! zzzz...must have work to enjoy, no pain no gain

wad i am doing!

lately, im working all day doing accounts and stuff....see the calculation for houses and stuff. and i am partly in charge of 1 new project, not bad feeling leh...hehe...seeing so much numbers and company names, invoice no. wa! but get to do work on bed in air-con room also very man zu leh! feeling i grown up by little....hahah....hope will help in my poa next yr lo...^^

don wan to be bothered by bithches around me, they will soon get kicked out of my life one. life too short 2 be mad about them, nothing much more than dung in my way.

我的未来！

今天又去了Mt Faber走走了，不过不是我带人，而是被带。是和会和我明年同班（一半）去走的。没想到会和Michelle, Joanne, Veron, Sin Yee, Famidha, William, Novin, Jian Rong, Nicholas, Ivan, Justin...same class! 现在不用七月就已经被灵缠身咯！开玩笑！会和原本相处两年的人分开，感觉怪怪的（当然啦！废话！！）。不过和我的frenenemy分开，会有些的舍不得耶。我看像是降级了，不过事实上我和A Maths又不合，所以也就去不了e1 and e2了啦（至少是这么安慰自己的。。）。
我不要让自己委屈的跟在一个不会领情的人的屁股后，多孬啊！我的未来我会自己创造！今天玩游戏，牵了好多人的手哦，粘粘的。而且发现了我的trainer的味道，是和我那只大猫（yanzhi）一模一样的。臭死我了哦！我也拿了个超级无敌大的水壶，也就成为今天的watercooler了。哈哈。。。希望我的未来是有光在照亮的！

wads on!

2moro got the sec 2 day camp, haixz...must bring mestin also leh. But i think of bringing jack-knife as well, become scout until 'siao' liao la...haha. then also think of bring extra clothes & is put in ziplock 1 leh. All is sister island camp make one lor! i going 'siao' liao lor. HOW!

lately

school is damm bloody boring...haixz...now i noe why they always wan 2 ask students hv creativity cause teachers and HOD have none. All the activities really kns sia. MEN!!! rather stay home or help at office lo! but if got $$ related activities then no choice la, slacking at scouts lately, holiday mood still not off yet. but hope will start working hard laio la. but trip so ex bothered of wether 2 go or not leh,how? $$$

放不下

我不想放不下，可是心里不懂为什么就是有一丝牵挂，绘制不去。想着以前的一切，怎样都会有一些不舍。你真的离开了吗？为什么还出现来打扰我的思绪呢？怀念，想念，遗憾，后悔，难过，妒嫉。。。的感觉缠着我不放，我是不是真的放不下？

可是我有自信，只要我愿意，世上没有我蔡馥茗做不到的事！就像我的学业一样！

stress!!!!

how? i am starting to feel afraid tt how my maths and science will end up...and i am stupidly giving myself extra pressure by finding myself a invisible rival. very funny right! wo you zai pa...how...i don wan 2 go 2 'N'. Wishing tt my last minute effort would hv a little pay off. Just get a pass is already very good for me...JIA YOU LA!

lin lai sui is also taking up a lot of stess from chu xing, but she hv liang by her side to support her. hope i can also handle tis upcoming pressure...

学习

After the sis. island camp, 我学会了要开口问，大家需要彼此来成长，独自的力量是不够的。不带表经验多一些就很了，must try out others idea. We need each other, although atill thinks she's stm a bitch but will soon usto it right. The batteries also need + & - to work right? Learning through all the process....yeah! 我们会战胜这一且！

时机

我现在心情一不好就会写部落格，等着瞧吧！那就很明显我今天又心情不好了。我很清楚每个人都会有脾气但我为什么都找不到对的timing呢。不停的惹人生气。可是我真的没恶意啊，不过伪装心和自尊心有时太强了，会硬对硬。只是想搞笑，不过让人觉得我没尊重他。可是当我都全程认认真真，就会开时嫉妒那些可以放松和老师开玩笑。为什么我做的时候就会有反效果？天生还是我真的那么笨？不过还好的是他还有两节课，我也只需要上一节内的半小时，就可以有学校的subsidise $30.（自尊心又开始作祟）加油，看好时机在做事，不要感情用事。

加油词>.<

最近真的非常闷啊。为什么呢？也许是他们害的吧：Ah Ling, Felicia, JY, Ms Kang, Ms Low, other teachers, 家里人，延和Zann吧。烦哦！很想找人开口，但不懂要找谁，也开不了口，所以决定写部落格的。快收不了了，不懂我还能支撑多久？这是长大的过程吗？好难哦，但我也很清楚我一定要加油不然以后就没办法做大事了。加油！！！不要让这些事打倒你的斗志。如果需要哭，就一次过哭出来，别闷着，明天还是一条好汉子！

领悟！

我此刻明白了一个道理，原来在家好吃懒做只会带来一开始的快乐，但也会带来接下来的苦。在别人上学，而我则在家里看偶像剧。我一开始超开心，超兴奋，但四天后会感到乏味，对未来产生恐惧，怕学校的功课会不会很多，也在课堂学到了什么。我有点想回到学校了呢。奇迹吧！但我深深的相信很快。。。。我。。。。。又。。。。。会。。。。。讨厌上学地！哈哈！就尽量enjoy这最后几天吧。下星期得回去学校，耘青 I'M BACK!

PLTC thanking tok

muhahahaha, 我现在超proud的sia. 哈哈哈，给我proud tok abit...YEA! 可以说我可是赢到两项奖的大工程哦！没我应该不太可能会赢到哦。Best cheer i must thank wee keong, cause i thought of him when i am shouting, thats why louder than normal, 感谢‘小强’少爷！至于Best patrol activity mah, must thank John: giving quiz when we busy listen to teachings, Derek and Keeve: for falling, though not on purpose, Wu Ying: letting me carry....hahaha...Gerald for contiue with CPR lesson. AND most IMPORTANT....ME...HAHAHAHAHHA....lovs

今天之趣事！

哈哈！好开心哦！我们赢了第二哦！厉害吧！虽然辛苦可是现在回想起来还蛮值得的啦。而且我们没做鸡蛋料理，那只鸡也被掉在地上几次，鸡头没砍，半生不熟的，煮出来的饭也被TY Sir吐出来，虾也不懂从做了几次，这样也能赢第二？！好怀疑哦，呵呵呵。而且功劳被臭SPL拿去，不过算好的是他给我，JY和YR发泄，给我们打，算绕了他吧！

好烦哦！

How!! 真的好烦哦，可是我还是得面对现实的。过了几天的‘平静’日子，我今天又得回去烦恼的生活。我不可以那么没责任感，不能把我的人丢这不理啊？！毕竟我算是我Patrol 的脑，他们则是身体。我得负责运作，不然他们就会像是行尸走肉。。。加油，蔡馥茗！！！

STC camp!! (1st day)

1st day of camp:
5.00-8.00 am:
Wake up alone at home cause others went Malaysia. After that leave at 6.20 cause must reach LPS at 7.00 but then stupid bus 30 come only at 6.50. But felt much better when saw 1 JSS scout and 2 cubs same bus. Later got briefing by Eugene Sir then also hear some of our ventures got scolded. But found Felicia will come late, so at first ask me take over awhile but later is WHOLE camp!!! OMG! Also found that I am under WK.
8.00-8.30 am:
Go collect my Six 13 group. 3 from NXPS and 10 from LPS. All gals, but i that type that quiet so really afraid i cant make them hyper enough. But lucky got go the LINE camp or else might be hard sia...I asked my group to form 1 line then according to namelist. WK's Maxyn is the 1st on list. Jasmine is last one.
8.30-11.00 am:
Is flag break, never see so mant ppl flag break together leh, so zhuang guan! After that I am suppose to do Ice Breaker. Took games from LINE to play with them. They really energetic sia, can run over and over, I really old liao lo. Is play Cling game (Bamboo) with them then is Beating Game (Neighbour) them. Then WK came made himself luv by them and officially got 'King Kong' this nickname.
11.00-12.00 pm:
Ask them to build the tent!!! Super hard to ask them work together and Medeline really unpopular with the group, really pity her at that time so wanted to group her in with them. The XN gals sleep together and my group just also added Devi cause she got bullied in her Six. Then teach them what is the DOs and DO NOTs.
12.00-12.45 pm:
Finally all the tents are safely up and all well organise in their groups. Went all to lunch, I swipe up everything and lucky got orange juice. Found out that can treat them a bit like how i treat my sister, can order them about for a bit. Hehehe...Then got some Jurong Bird Park briefing and got the ponchos.
12.45-5.30 pm:
Leave for Bird Park. And sleep at bus...zzz...got walk a lot with them to shows after that have heavy rain then went shelter played 'Tazan the Monkey Man' with them. Then came back to LPS.
5.30-7.00 pm:
Wash up then eat dinner. I go eat with the other trainers. Later is doing some reflection with my darlings. Have to ask what you learn ah and stuff. And finally noe the meaning of sixer. And also help them clean-up the wet tent and clear up their 'rubbish'. Taboleitahan...ground so wet till my socks also wet...my shoes also but only 1 side...
7.00- 10.50~pm:
They have their lessons of 1st aid, knots and KOM. At their first aid lesson I was sleeping at one corner and went take medicine from Ming Tat for my headache. Then at the knots one is Silent Arrow teaching but found my 'Sheep Bend' suck sia...heh. Then at KOM, I was sitting on the table behind hearing wad Hamtaro (Desmond Leong) is teaching also got see all cubs cant tahan go into dreamland liao..haha...and started to feel sth.
10.50-11.30~pm:
Have oreo supper than i think is hear WK say sth but cant remember...hahah...some sleep on table. But then still got something until lenghten the time.
1.00-2.30~am:
Got debrief for the trainers and instructors. After that tired until forgot to brush teeth and meditate then go sleep without shower also. I slept on 3 tables and my sleeping bag is the pillow.

回复：

关于keys得事宜，我只能说是一个小误会。如果我有心的想玩你，我大可说我没看见。更可以叫我老爸吃饱饭，冲完凉后才送还给你。没必要把我妹妹和老爸扯进来，搞到我老爸很迟才回到家。也许在学校不甩你，是我还不能接受你那天晚上跟我要回KEYS的恶劣的态度和语气。但我赞成能跟你配合关于scout的事物。我会公事公办，私人恩怨看着办。

我依然还是我，即然话不投机，半句多， 要你所说的忍我让我，我认为没这个必要。你自己看着办。

Knowledge..

Maybe i dont hate JY, or dont want to hate, but i am now blessed with a happy family. I am already very content with my life now. Though there is never happy ending in my life of friendship, but who always will have 两全其美? I now should focus on my study, taiji, reading and being a good pl. May the peace in my heart be with me always...

I finally felt it!

I was feeling 'why' the main 'Gong Zhu Bang' people hate JY so much when I was still with her, but now I can finally feel it! Guess that I also hate JY lor. But just surprise that I will actually have a day to hate her lyke that, haha...Guess I now start to noe myself better since I meditated, whooo...But I should now be used to it liao lo, so I shall wait for my next stop for more ppl to come into my life! Waiting....

Today!

Found a bad point of a PL and that is must sms alot and some members dont have or dont want give me hp, cause me to call their home! heh...today is detention for me lo cause late for school on fri. and cant run cause sprained ankle, so it is two hours spend in there and missed maths remedial! And inside I the only girl sia and most non-chinese, sian. Too sian liao, so decided to take nap but end up kanna scolded by Ah Voon. ABCD! But still free at 3.30, not much difference from out from prison sia, haha. Later alone go library return and borrowed books. 1 is 'The Powers To Lead' , want to become the of me in scouts cause that is so far only way that I can prove something lor, so I will try to do good! Of course cannot forget to borrow 'xiao shuo' lo.
Thats all...

Promotion! ~.~

Yesterday is scout promotion day! I got 3 ranks sia! Though very happy, but also very stress sia, no joke noe! 1st is zi qian's pioneering AIC, 2nd is QM and lastly is the PL for patrol A. I really wanted to change to other patrol sia, cause already stay in patrol A for very long liao, so want to go somewhere else. But since my fate is already like that, so no choice lo.

My members are:

~Wei Jie

~Dawn

~Ming Xuan

~Haja

~Wen Wei

~Ernest (APL)

Just gone up to be QM yesterday but got punishment right away. Cause I never ask Zi Qian and Yan Zhi to take off their shoes when they gone in the Scout Room. Sian sia...heh...what good days will in store for me, I really dont dare to expect too much. So WISH ME GOOD LUCK!

Complicated...

Getting super emo lately...heh...maybe too into moon and sun. But also don noe how to put it la. Just found out that moon and sun tution together. No biggy, think just feeling bit left out, but prob. is i walked out myself, so just complicated! But according to my primary school life, i should already be used to loneliness but i still feel sad...really dont noe wad i thinking sia...hope i can soon understand myself...

My Home!

What is the TRUE meaning of home? A place to sleep and eat? A place that is filled with people that concerns and love you? Someplace that you are able to finally strip your mask you wear outside and be your ture self? A place that you are able to hide when you a feeling down and alone? The place that you wish tou are always in? My home is all that! But its really a big MESS! So I am determined to clean my house up 2moro! Nothing going to change that....

This Sat. got archery, quite excited sia, heheh...although not 1st time. Got do before when I was in MGS, but I am sure that those rich brats cant hold a candle to my Cougar scouts! v.v heheh....waiting for that day 2 come!

我是爱哭包！

我承认，我真的超容易也超爱哭的哦！如果想把我最近所哭出来的泪装起来，肯能可以fill-up正个reservoir。我能哭的点真的数也数不清呀。像：家庭，朋友，偶像剧，被欺负，好玩，emo...爱哭的我，该喝少一点水，这样想哭也哭不出来啦！厉害吧！哈哈哈哈。。。太阳，星星与月亮是我们的记号!

Hoping this day will end soon....

This year birthday is rather 'unforgettable'. Got cheated by Charlene & Low Jia Yuan. Bluff me say Charlene not coming to KTV cause dhe wants revenge for last year matter but ended up at Chervon 1st floor blowing balloons inside got star star to surprise me. Made me cry for no bloody reason sia. But when I reached home still got something same as last year: my mom saying ' whats so big deal about your bithday, made everyone suffer...' Very sad la, but nvm la...decided on no point of wasting $ and ended up no one enjoyed. Also found out that my grandmother felt sad that I never invite her go, now that I think about it, I HATE myself for forgetting such a important person of my life. I really can feel the pain that she feels when she was alone at home with not able to celebrate with me. I SUX! How can I do that to her! Really wish time will move back, and let me not hurt anyone in my life. I cant stand this me who is so selfish and useless...really...I cant bear to hurt her anymore. How can I FORGET?!

Funny vid. I took in Jinan!

They are singing 中国话。And the 1st gal is another freak just that in china version! But why must Ryan come and 抢镜头！？

1st post of 2009!!

1st day of school was not rather fun also got scolded by Govin! Ultra sian sia but got new canteen, that's a rather encouraging thing for me. heheh...

Today was extremely tiring cause got opening and also Founder's Day! So got to train on marching etc. But got punish by Tat Yong Sir for forgetting my green booklet. Sian!!! Later all we new Sec. 2s go learn Knots 2 from Kayle and Jin Wei. Ater that I & Jia Yuan go help a bit with pioneering, but few minutes later Sherlyn move me to help Jia Min cause I am still her AIC, so have to help her. But still ended up with Wee Keong to march! Got scolded again, this time is everyone by Ragu Sir! But for truth that we really lack of discipline so cant help it la. After awhile got called out by Wee Keong to go help Yu Xuan (still got 嫌弃 by him for helping at UG campfire) to do the metal thing. Not long after got called to help Gabriel with more pioneering moving the parka wood. Much marching after that!!!

SUPER SIAN DAY!